Document transcript

Guru Surfboard (AI43-PE)

SUPPLEMENTARY MATERIALS:

(interview with custodian [REDACTED] after theft of AI43)

A: After touching the item, what did you experience?

[REDACTED]: I experienced confidence! Cranked all the way up. I wanted to become somebody. An artist, a stock trader.

A: How did these feelings manifest externally?

[REDACTED]: Don’t know. If I’d gotten out there, to the city, I’d have done so many things. Made my fortune, gone out and owned the world. That shit was mine. I would have taken it all. Money, fame, women—

Agent: You also experienced an increased sex drive?

[REDACTED]: Yes! Increased everything! I’ve been cleaning shit for you people long enough! I’m going out on a fucking conquest!

A: Would you say you’re still under the effects of the object?

[REDACTED]: Who the fuck are you to keep me in here? I’m worth four of you, you suit-wearing piece of shit. Twenty!

A: The Bureau appreciates your candor. You are no longer required.

[REDACTED]: I’m [REDACTED] fucking [REDACTED]. Remember that name!

(end of relevant portion)