Document transcript

Dearest Hollywood, 

Have you ever wished you had an actor who could do it all? Who could be a man or woman, an adult or child, a dolphin or a Boston terrier? Well, today is your lucky day.

My name is Garreth Clemens and I am the world's greatest actor. Not only do I have years of stage experience, but I am an accomplished shapeshifter. Whether you need a misbehaving cat, ferocious wolfman, swashbuckling pirate, or debonair southern belle, I'm your man. 

Or am I?

I will be arriving in town on May 11, 1971 and will be available for meetings and auditions beginning on the 13th.

See you in the movies!

G. Clemens